Door

Out of all the rules my house has, I think the one I hate the most is the rule on doors.

I can’t remember how long it’s been instated, but ever since I can remember my dad has always hated us to have our doors closed. I don’t know what he was thinking when we had our doors closed, but whatever it was, he didn’t allow it.

For those who have the ability to have their door closed, you don’t understand how much power you have. You can literally have your own space. I guess my dad wasn’t interested in us having space.

If me or my brother were to get into an argument, there was no place to simmer down. Much like being sad, there is no place to be vulnerable. All of your privacy is gone from my house. I can’t be myself, or even figure out who myself is, since I haven’t really been alone before. The only times I’m truly alone is when I’m in the bathroom, since we have to have our doors closed. I can’t tell you how much my life would be better if I can have my own privacy.

I think my self awareness and deep thinking stems from not having a door to close. I feel like other people’s perceptions of me start to matter more since I haven’t lived with a sense of privacy. Even when writing, my desk is positioned right in front of the door, so as soon as you look into my room, you can see my laptop, which either has me writing something on there, or just relaxing. I literally cannot see who is coming in or not, so I always live with a slight fear and anxiety about being aware of who is in my presence and if they will have something good to say.

The worst part is that my dad said he can have his doors closed since he owns the house. If I learned anything from school, is that is an abuse of power and an attack on my privacy. I have confronted him about it multiple times, but he said that if I want my own privacy, I can live in my own house. I can’t wait to own my own place, so that people can get what they want.

This post wasn’t intended to rant, but I feel somewhat better getting this idea off my head. This November hasn’t been the best, and I can already imagine that December will follow suit.

-J.E.

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